The beginning of summer however has been a bit bittersweet. I haven't blogged or even spoken about it much because God is working so directly with me that I'm not always sure of what to say... it is a constant battle. Last week we ordered Avery's hearing aids. The grant money did not come in so there was no reason to wait any longer. We have an appointment next Tuesday to pick them up. There is a part of me that is so excited, and yet another part is heartbroken. I so don't want this for my daughter. As I look down the road I can already see the teasing and insecurities that will come. I've already been questioned as to if she really needs them, to the point of doing more research. Several times I've laid out all of her hearing tests to see what the "experts" would recommend. Because her hearing loss is in both ears, the same answer is given every time.
I heard an interview a couple of weeks ago as I was coming home from church. I don't even know who was talking, but the couple found out while they were pregnant that their baby could not sustain life and they knew as soon as she was born she would have a short time to live. Although, our situation is not nearly so dire, she said something that touched me so profoundly. She said that one day, driving home she just screamed out to God saying "WHY!!! You can heal her. You have that power and ability. WHY am I having to go through this." And the still, small voice she heard said, "This is for my glory". All of this we have heard in other situations, but it was what she said next that I loved. She said "I know God will use this, and He will be glorified in some way, but honestly, sometimes I'd rather have my daughter." I cry as I type this even now. I want to know WHY Avery will have to bear this burden. I know all the facts... that hearing aides are so much smaller now, and can do so many more things, but I also know that it will not always be easy. She will struggle and she will hurt. I loved the honesty in that interview, and I love knowing that God knows my heart. He sees my pain, and He knows the pain Avery will have later. Yet, he still loves me, and He loves Avery even more than I do. I am begging God that when the time comes, I will have the words for her. But even more so, I am begging God to use us, Avery especially, to bring glory to Him through all of this. It doesn't matter why. God is in control, and He will be there for her when she struggles. So next Tuesday my beautiful daughter will be sporting sparkly, glittery, pink hearing aids. Please pray for us as we all transition into this new stage of her life. But even more importantly, please pray that God will be glorified even more than I can imagine.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6LTfueFPpM
2 comments:
Beautiful song and beautiful words. We will keep Avery and all of your family in our prayers. You can tell her we think pink sparkley hearing aids are way cool!!
oh keana, i know this is hard for all of ya'll, you have me crying just reading about it, i can't imagine. I will pray for ya'll, i truely hope God makes this transition smooth for ya'll. Also, maybe i'm partial because i took a class, and loved it but sign language may be something she could learn as another option in case she doesn't like the hearing aides. But then again there is a drastic differnce in learning sign language because you want to and because you need to. I love you guys so much, please let me know if you need anything! you are always in my prayers.
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