This and That

I guess this always happens.  Maybe I'm getting older... not really feeling wiser... but maybe more experience under my belt.  Maybe I'm listening to my feelings more, or trying to analyze things in a different way.  I'm not sure.  But here is what I've noticed lately... A lot.  Several times over the summer.

I can feel two completely different ways about the same thing.  Polar opposites.  Not even close. 

Let me give you some examples.

School Starting.

On one hand I was thrilled.  It was time for us to get on a schedule.  It provides the girls with structure.  And friends.  And time apart.  It gives me a purpose.

On the other hand it means getting up every day.  It takes away some freedom.  It means time away from the girls.  And especially this year with Reagan starting kindergarten it means my baby isn't a baby anymore.  Even though I have no desire to have a baby in the house, there is still something sad about your babies getting older.

My grandparents are moving.

On one hand I know that this is the best thing for them.  I know that PaPa is getting older, and in all actuality is in the beginning (maybe not so beginning) stages of Alzhimers.  This will allow Grannie to keep a closer eye on him, and it will make it easier on everyone.

On the other hand I'm sad.  This forces us to realize that they are getting older and won't be here forever.  I'm sad that when the girls and I go visit we won't have the basement to hang out in.  I'm sad that they have to leave the home they've lived in for the past 18 years.

Moving to Ohio.

On one hand I was thrilled.  This was an adventure, and we knew without a doubt that God was telling us to pack up and move.  There is something infinitely exciting about being in the center of God's will.  That peace that passes understanding thing.

On the other hand I am heartbroken.  I love Texas.  All of our people are in Texas.  We are comfortable there.  I'm terrified that Reagan will grow up and not feel like Texas is home.  I miss my family.  If Reagan asks one more time when Thanksgiving is (when Grandma and Grandpa are coming) or when she will get to see Grammy again I might cry.  This is by far the hardest thing I've ever done.

But through all of this experience I have experienced God's faithfulness more than ever before.  There were some days that He had to get me out of bed.  And there were some days that I would have loved to jump in the van and take off moving south.  But He has provided in ways that I never imagined.  I'm afraid I will look back at this at some point and forget some of the things He has done.  So I'm going to make a list here, and I might add to it when I remember something else.  But I'm also thinking about making a rememberance.  I heard a devotion recently about remember where you've been.  The Biblical context used was when Joshua was leading the people into the Promise Land.  Once they crossed on dry land, God had a person from each of the tribes of Israel get a stone, and they stacked them so that they would remember.   I'm not sure stones would cut it, but I'm going to try to come up with something so we don't forget this amazing summer where God has provided beyond our wildest dreams.

Safe travel
A place to live
Financial ok-ness
A great pediatrician's office
New friends
A job for me
A great school for the girls
A great start of the school year
Josh loves his new job
A truck for Josh to drive
Closeness as a family
The house sold